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Saturday, 30 December 2017

Getting ready for the New Year

Today is Saturday 30th December 2017 and as the title says I am preparing to end this year. I am not going out but will have the joy of looking after my Grandson and Grand Daughter who will be coming here later today and will be staying till New Years Day in the afternoon.

House is as tidy as it ever will be, my partner has been visiting and is going to help me look after the Grand children and so I am looking forward to it.  I have watched a couple of podcasts this morning while Frank has gone to Romford to look in the sales, I decided to not go because I just cannot stand those crowds plus I do like being at home pottering about.

We will probably take them over to the park on New Years Eve and I will cook a roast dinner for us but instead of buying a joint of meat we are going to have the best ever sausages that money can buy. My local Co-Op does the best fresh sausages ever and they are so tasty with just a few herbs, I have used them in casseroles too and the flavour is great.

I have been knitting on a pair of socks for me using Crofter Fair Isle Effect DK Yarn, I wanted a warm cosy pair for the house or for wearing in my boots.  I have finished the first one and started on the second one last night.

While I remember the reason I have not put any photos on here at the moment is because my mobile phone will not bluetooth over photos to my MacBook, my son says its because Samsung are not recognising MacBooks and I am rather frustrated with that.  What I have to do is either write on my blog using my phone which takes ages or email photos and then download them from the laptop.  It is a crazy way of doing it and to be honest, I just cannot be bothered at the moment.  I will write a blog post on New Years Day with photos once my Grand Babies have gone home.

So I am now going to relax while its quiet, make myself a cup of tea and think about what 2018 is going to start out like.

Bye for now!

Thursday, 28 December 2017

Podcast Watching & 17 Pairs of Socks

I was lucky enough to get another job after the disasterous attempt at commuting to London and it was a Documentation Clerk for a freight company based about 2 miles after Romford Station.  It was about the same time travelling as it was for the London job so was a very long day.  I spent the one hour on the bus knitting on socks and each day for 3 weeks was hoping that things would settle down.
Unfortunately, they did not and so my coping mechanism was failing very quickly, making mistakes at work which was not going down well because you have to be accurate, terrible anxieties returning even worse and not wanting to leave the house.  So I did not think it would be fair on my new employer and decided, no matter what the financial consequence, to leave.

So since November 23rd I have been medically certified by my doctor as unfit for work due to Depression and it is the first time in my working career that I have had to do that.  I barely go out unless I have to, I have knitted and crocheted intensely and watched lots of podcasts.

I have spent a little time looking for work just in case there is something ideal posted on the job websites but in my heart of hearts, I know I am still not ready.

Today is 28th December 2017 and for the first time ever I did not put up my Christmas Tree and Decorations. I do not want to celebrate this year in anyway shape or form plus I could not reach the decorations in the loft.  So I had a quiet Christmas at home.

So,  besides all of that what I have been watching are my podcasts and the only christmas type of viewing are the Vlogmases of various podcasters that I watch on a regular basis.  I have found them very interesting and just love seeing other peoples daily lives in America, Norway, Canada and UK.  I have the ingredients to have a go at baking a Norweigan Cookie which looks yummy and hopefully will start that soon.

I have also been looking at my Ravelry project page and worked out that I have knitted 17 pairs of socks this year and thoroughly enjoyed doing that so I hope to carry on making socks.  I have casted on a pair for me and will post a picture soon.

I have also been thinking about the New Year and what plans I have.  2017 has made me ill because whenever I feltgood something happens (which felt like everyday a lot of the time) and I get knocked back again and I would like to think that 2018 might be good for a lot of people.   So I am going to make little steps to try and be positive and yesterday I bought a 2018 calender with a little pocket diary and cannot wait to rip up 2017 and say good riddance.

I do hope to write on here with snippets of each day from 1st January in the hope that I can look back at positive and not negative and of course, photos of my projects and interests too.

So, I hope those few people who read this stick around and I hope that where ever you are, you have a good end to 2017.

Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Didnt Happen

I went to my new job all excited and got on the train at 7.30am. The station was getting a bit busy and then the train pulled in.  I could not believe it, every carriage was packed and I started to feel a bit odd.  I got on anyway, no seats available, and stood there squashed a bit but holding on and keeping my bag tight to my body.  As the train went on to other stations it was getting worse and started to feel rather odd.  By the time I got off to my destination I felt quite shaky, irritated and anxious.

I stepped off the train at Denmark Hill Station and to exit you have to go up 3 sets of stairs and believe me when I say this, it came to a standstill.  I got about 3 steps up and a queue formed. However, even though you stop others behind you are pushing and pushing and pushing and I was getting rather angry.  The shaking began again and eventually after about 5 minutes it started moving again and at the top of the stairs, I eventually swiped out with my oyster amongst a crazy crowd all going in the same direction.  I hated it, hated, hated it and knew I was going to spend the day worrying about commuting home.

I walked to Kings College Hospital to start my new day and pulled myself together to concentrate on the day ahead.  I enjoyed it, it was a lovely non rushed day of learning new things and by 4pm I was starting to get a bit anxious again because of the thought of going back on the commute.

I left at 5pm and started the journey back and it was horrendous.  Getting on the train you are squashed in and if your not quick enough to step on, you get pushed.  I do not know how I didnt turn round and say a few curse words.  Again, it was standing room only,  it was packed solid until 3 stops away from my stop and felt really anxious and shaky.  I spoke to my partner when I got home, (he does not live with me at the moment) and did not say anything about it because I knew he would be disappointed too but in the end, he was understanding.

I then spent the rest of the night not sleeping, crying, breathing strangely and getting terrible scenarios in my head of what could happen on that commute.  By 5am I decided that I could not cope with commuting like that no matter what the wage was, and e-mailed the manager to say the job was not for me due to the commute.  She was disappointed but not half as disappointed as I was because I never knew I would be like that on the train at peak time.  I know that the past year has caused me a lot of anxieties and effected my depression quite bad to the point of a breakdown in July but never thought it would affect me the way it has.  My family have all said the same thing and now its something else to cope with.

I spent the next few days at the lowest point, feeling sorry for myself, not wanting to get out of bed, not knowing how to cope anymore and feeling like it is just another let down in life.  My eldest son would ring me a couple of times a day to see if I was ok and each time I would just be crying and it has only been about a week now that I have stopped the random crying sessions.  I have continued applying for jobs every single day, sometimes twice a day and as of yesterday, after a second interview I now have another job offer which I start on Monday.   It is still roughly an hour commute but it is only one long bus ride which I am fine with so I have that to look forward to.  I will not say anymore about that just yet because I do not want to jinx it.

So for now I am hoping and praying that I can keep positive and that my life settles down a bit.  What I do want to say is that if you are one of those people that commutes at peak time no matter where you live, what job you do etc can you please give a bit of understanding to the people around you on the trains, buses, trams etc.

Friday, 6 October 2017

What shall I call her....

I cracked on and knitted up the bear for my Grandchild and oh boy, it was so quick to knit.  In fact I had not realised I was sitting at my dinner table (like I am now) knitting away and watching podcasts for about 4 hours sitting in one position. 

My back was aching and so were my hands so I had to rest for a while and made a plan that on Thursday I will do a big tidy up in my bedroom, move a bit of furniture, smash up an old chest of drawers that had seen better days in the back bedroom and hopefully, by early afternoon get on with finishing the bear.   Well, I did and felt rather pleased with myself for doing that flipping bedroom because it was getting a bit cluttered and there was crap in corners that just needed sorting.  So around 1230 hrs I was ready for a cuppa and to settle down with completing the bear.  I did stay up quite late (9.30pm which is late for me) to try and finish it but I was too tired so today I got up, made a cuppa and finished the pockets which is all I had to do.

So the dilemma that I have now is to name her...any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  I have called her Myabear on but I am not sure.  Here is a photo of her and she puts a smile on my face.

This morning I popped out to the Heathway to get myself some hair colour to blend away the stubborn grey that appears rather too quickly for my liking and also bought a small notebook to put in my bag ready for my new job on Monday.  I am really really really looking forward to it, these past few months being off work has been soul destroying at times.

So I am now going to start another project and chill before Frank gets home.

Wednesday, 4 October 2017

This morning

I made myself go out today for at least a short while and I intended to go to a bakers in Upminster to get some sour dough bread, one for the freezer and one to use.  I love this bread and with a decent butter and cheese it's even better.

So I got out the door about 9.30am and sitting on the bench at the platform the information  board said delays.   I was freezing sitting there so took this picture
and then got the train to go to Dagenham East Station which is where the delay was and got two buses to Upminster. 

I got the bread which was cheaper than Percy Ingles bakers which is unusual because the bakers in Upminster is known to be pricey.  After that I popped into Roomes which has a small habedashary section and I treated myself to this 
 The pattern book and four balls of Sirdar Snowflake came to £17 and I will be making two teddies. One each for my grand children.  I can use the Paintbox Double knit for the clothes.   

I then went into Marks and Spencer and got a bar of chocolate for a gift and a selection box of chocolates that were half price which are also a Christmas gift.  
They were originally £6 but got them for £3 and the date on them to use by is August 2018.  

I approached a friend on Ravelry a few days ago who lives in USA and asked if she wanted to do a Christmas Swap and she said she would love to so the bar of chocolate I got out of Marks and Spencer is a start for her box. I don't think they have a Marks and Spencer in USA. 

After that I got back to the train station and the District line was ok now and got the train straight home.  I then had a cuppa and watched podcasts and started on the teddy pattern.  

Now I am in bed and planning tomorrow to have a good clean because I may have someone to view my home for an exchange the weekend.  So I will say goodnight and hope all is well.

Tuesday, 3 October 2017

September bye bye

Hello and goodbye to September, I will not miss it and hope and pray that October is at least bearable. 

 Frank got me a new mobile phone to replace the one that was supposedly lost on the train and apparently Samsung mobiles do not like blue toothing photos to an Apple Macbook. So when I have written this, I will have to put a few photos on here that I have taken recently.  I will have to put them in on the end so I do not have to do any fiddling with the written text.

Since I wrote last I heard about my new job which is a Medical Typist and will be starting on Monday and I have to travel Kings College Hospital in London.  I have never travelled at peak time and I really do not like loads of crowds so heres hoping I can do it.  Plus goodness knows what I am going to do if there is a problem on the trains which normally there is. I would panic because I do not know my way around Transport for London.  I have got too dependent on Frank for that!

I am really looking forward to actually seeing and speaking to real people during the day and not words on a screen, watching podcasts or the odd phone call once every few days.  

On the crafting front I have crocheted another wash cloth for a Christmas present and I finished my Grandsons Christmas Stocking.  Today I went to Romford to get out for a bit but to be honest, I felt really miserable and tearful so I got a few little bits quick and came straight home. 

I wanted to get a notebook to keep in my handbag for notes on my first day back at work and then I got a couple of stocking fillers for my Grand daughter.  It was really cold this morning when I went out at 9.30am but now its quite comfortable and just want to go to bed for a while. 

For the rest of the day plans, who knows!

Kings College 

Monday, 25 September 2017

Rich Tea Biscuits & A Cuppa

Pair 14 are now complete.  I am not happy with them even though Frank said he loves them.  I thought I had done the ankle longer but you can see they are not plus I definitely wont be using a mixture of yarns again on the ankle either.  The sewing in of threads makes me think that it is a weak point so I am going to rethink these.

I am going to have a break from socks for a while, I have to knit another 2 Christmas Stockings so have started on my Grandsons stocking today and am going to start a crochet design too.

I heard about my new job so I am waiting for a start date which hopefully will be next week and then I can hopefully get this depression abated.  

As I said in previous blogposts the past 1.5 years have been awful and the past few days have been worse than ever which has put me in a state of solitude and confinement. 
Being a Mum is the hardest job I have ever had to do and it is even harder now!  

So i am going to leave it at that and hope that in time, things will be better for everyone.

Monday, 18 September 2017

Computers and crafts

Hello, just showing off my second part of the Christmas wash cloth gift.  
I have had a few more ideas for wash cloths and to be honest, could design my own because they really are not that hard to do. 

This next photo is of Tipsy getting cosy on my Memories Mitred Blanket. I had a visit to the dentist on Thursday and felt quite exhausted after the treatment plus I had a bad night sleep too so wanted to have a nap.  Can you see Tammie by my foot, she was sulking because the cat had got near my chest first to cuddle up. 

Today 18.09.17 I went to register for a Ecdl course in Ilford and what should have been a short visit ended up being a 4 hour visit involving 6 assessments of what I know and don't know about computers.  I came out with such a headache after and eye strain but glad I did it and now going back to officially start getting my knowledge better for the future. 

When I came home I made a cuppa, had some biscuits and then sat  and completed a sock.  This one is ribbed on the top of the foot, plain underneath and quite a snuggly fit.  I started the second sock about 6.30pm and as of 10.30pm it is over half done.  

I would like to get another pair done by Friday evening so I can give as a birthday present to Frank. 

That means I have knitted him, since January 2017, 13 pairs of socks so far. I love doing them and got a few ideas going on in head too, plus I'm knitting them so much quicker which takes away the second socks syndrome. 

I'm off to bed now with paracetamol for the headache and tooth pain and plan to make myself pop out tomorrow for short while to get a bit of exercise. 

Thursday, 14 September 2017

Wednesday, 13 September 2017

Just popping in

3 months nearly since I last wrote, wow!   To be honest, I have had a load of crap to deal with over the past 1.5 years and it all came to a full on explosion in July this year.  I have not been in the best of places  both emotionally and physically and even now, I am still trying to get over things which I will never.

Without the support of my Brother David and Sister Michelle, I would not have got through all this crap that God seems to be sending me.  It has made my faith seem in vain, if that is the right word and I am dealing with that too.

I have not been working since middle of July and the first few weeks have been horrible, lonely, crushing, mega emotional and much more.  After those few weeks I have managed to come to some sort of state that I could sleep a bit better and try to get a grip on life.  I made myself have a routine during the weekdays by getting up as if I have work, job searching before I do any kind of chores etc, trying to look for another place to live cause quite frankly, I hate this house and then around lunch time, I do my crafts.  My appetite was pretty much non existent for quite a few weeks and was just picking at snacks to keep energy levels up.  I am eating a breakfast now and sometimes I will have toast, egg or a microwave dinner but my interest is not good in meals. I think one of the worse things living by yourself and not working is the lack of people company.  It depresses the hell out of me not seeing anyone from day to day and I am now realising how the elderly stuck at home, retired and skint feel.

Anyway, I have knitted and crocheted a heck of a lot and made a lot of things i.e. a Poncho for my Grand Daughter, Bangers the Sausage Dog as well as a hat and scarf for him, a Crochet Blanket for a friend, 3 pairs of socks, a rug for my Grand Daughter, a wash cloth and am now starting a Fair Isle Christmas Stocking.  I used my Ravelry projects page to count how many yards of yarn I have used since July 17 and it works out to over 4,000 yards so no wonder my thumbs and wrists are hurting.

I have tried to upload photos from my phone to the laptop but I am having problems doing that so I will have to get my son Scott over to have a look for me as to why!

I have had a few interviews and a couple of weeks ago, I was offered a job I really wanted working for the NHS as a Medical Typist but the lady in charge was going away on the day she rang me to say I got the job and would be back on the 18th September.  So, that is not far away and I hope that I will be starting work soon cause I have had enough.

Anyway, thinking ahead and not knowing what Christmas gifting is going to be like I decided to look around for some things that I can make for certain people that are craft worthy at receiving knitted or crochet gifts and I found a lovely Wash Cloth pattern on Ravelry which I have done.  I am now going to make another one but in just one colour and add a nice bar of soap and wrap it up in a big ribbon as part of her gift which I know she will like.

I am also knitting a Christmas Stocking by Arne & Carlos, its a free pattern that I have adapted slightly to make space for some Duplicate Stitch to put my Grand Daughters name on.  I am also going to make a few dangly items like a heart, a bell to the top of it.

If anyone is on, please friend me if you wish to, my name on there is Suehb and you will be able to see my projects that I have made.

I do not have a tv at the moment downstairs so I have been watching a lot of podcasts and thoroughly enjoy them.  I tend to go up to bed around 7pm because there is a small tv up there and I get pretty fed up with downstairs so I just shut the curtains, put the lamp on and get tucked up in bed with my dog Tammie.  She is doing really well, my cat Tipsy is 18 years old and she is now with arthritis in her back legs, cant hear much or see much, eats and sleeps all day and doesnt even attempt to go upstairs because of her legs.  She curls up on the sofa most of the day and night and cuddles up to me when I sit on there with my knitting.

So, that is a little update of whats going on, I guess its a bit like a diary which is another word for a Blog and I will try to keep it up to date with my thoughts and crafting.  Whoever reads this, I would like to say thank you and wish you a good day.

Thursday, 29 June 2017

Cottage Garden

It is absolutely huge on my Kingsize Bed in length ways and touches the floor width ways on both sides.

I started it back in January to get rid of all my old unused acrylic tan from about  three years ago. I spent 2 hours this morning sewing in all the ends.

Is so warm and cosy and is a big yarn eater.

Tuesday, 27 June 2017

Socked out

Seventh pair of socks since January for Frank. . Yikes..

I'm now doing some crochet called Spun Gold, a shawlett made with my The Uncommon Thread BFL Fingering weight.

I have finished the large blanket I have been crocheting and will post a picture as soon as I get a chance.

Saturday, 11 March 2017

A knitters thought

I'm sitting up in bed knitting on Franks sock and I managed to knit 25 rows in 1 hour.   That's 70 stitches x 60 minutes.

Anyway, it occurred to me that the fastest knitter is a lady called Hazel Tindall who lives in Wales and she knits 180 stitches in 2 minutes which is blinking fast.  

So if I could knit the 140 rows of Franks socks (not including the heel and toes), how long would it take to knit a whole sock at the speed of Hazel Tindall.....

I reckon,  without any disturbances, I could knit a sock in about 3 hours.   I will have to try that one day.

I shall leave you with a photo of 2 young girls back in the 1900 knitting socks as part of their chores....
  Can you imagine if the kids these days could or even would do it.

Thursday, 9 March 2017

Books and bugs

First of all my book reading has come to an end.   I have a bit of a history with reading books and then getting loads of bad luck and lately that is what has happened.  So I can't take much more and decided to just stick to my crafts and try to concentrate on the things that come my way.  

The next piece of this title 'bugs' is exactly that, I got on the bus to go to shops after work and got terrible pains and a sick feeling.   I ran to the library toilet and was overcome with sickness and diarrhoea with no warning.  I had to ring my son to come get me I felt that bad.   I spent the rest of the day and the next in bed.  This morning I tried to eat but my body wasn't having it and I have starved myself.  I'm flipping hungry and going to try a little dinner later.

So today I have spent knitting, moaning and generally a moody 🐮.    I've got to go back to work tomorrow so I must try and cheer up a bit.

Saturday, 25 February 2017

February 25th, 2017

I have been very busy of late what with work, home and getting on with things.  I did decide in the New Year that I would read more books because last year I read none.  I gave myself a target of at least 10 books this year and so far I have read 3.  I thought I might do a little review of them just in case anyone wanted to know if they were of any interest.

1. Monty Don My Family and Other Dogs

Monty Don is the presenter of Gardeners World on BBC 1 and is not just an experienced gardener but also a family man and the main reason I chose this book as my first read is because of his love for his dogs.

He talks about all of the dogs that he has loved and lost and how important they are to him and how they are part of the family unit.  His relationship with Nigel has been portrayed on the gardening programme and the book tells you about his dog following him around the garden, being spoiled by the camera crew at times and the way he poses when the camera points at him.  Apparently, Nigel gets more fan mail than Monty does.

2. Woman of God by James Patterson & Maxine Paetra

Frank had just finished reading this and said I would like it.  So I said to him straight away does it have a good ending and he said yes.  

The story is about a lady doctor who works in South Sudan working long days, under a lot of stress and heartache without much equipment or medicine.  She is a religious lady who has a strong faith and feels that is where her vocation is.  There are children around her that are orphans and she loves them.  In the midst of it all there is a bad person who just kills for fun and so does his men and it got me quite angry reading it.  Thank god it was not explicit detail and I had to stop reading it a few times so that I could think about the first part of the book.  

I picked it up again after a few days and the story line continued with some relief of good things happening and then it went to pot again.  I said to Frank that I thought it had a good ending and he said just to keep reading it.  

After the leader of the terrible men was tortured and she lost a loved one, she went back to her home country and took on another job as a doctor in a special clinic.  The rest of the book continues in this manner of work, love and loss but it does have a reasonable ending but not what I was expecting or hoped for.  I would however, recommend this book, even now I am still thinking about the characters in it.

3.  Monty Don The Jewel Garden

I know that I have read Monty Dons books in the wrong order but I just wanted to read something that would not make me so anguished as the previous book.

This book is briefly about how Monty and his wife meet, build a Jewellery business, have a family and enjoy making their garden.  Later, they lose their business and their home and Monty ends up unemployed. 

After the loss of a relative they gain enough money to start again and this book is about starting from scratch and one of their ideas was to have a Jewel Garden that reflects their love of colour using plants.

Monty often talks and shows you the garden on the BBC programme and the book has some fantastic photos of where they live and tells you how they build it up.

I really enjoyed this book too. 

                                  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

One of the reasons I like reading about Monty is his similarity to fighting with depression and my love for creativity.  That being said my creative side has been a bit hit and miss and it is only the past month that I have really bothered with anything.  So here are some photos of what I have been doing.

I have knitted two pair of socks for Frank in Regia 4-fadiq sock yarn, I first pair was a self striping colourway and the second pair is the Regia 4-fadiq Mosaic sock yarn.  He loves them, says the keep his feet warm when he is out working in the cold.  They are washed in the machine at 30c and left on the radiator to dry which is excellent with hand knitted socks.

I then crocheted this small blanket for a colleague at work.  Jessie had bought a doll for her daughter and I said would she like a blanket for it and within about a week, I had crocheted this.  I used a size 5mm hook and some Super Chunky Cream yarn and randomly thought of a design.  

Not bad for roughly 10 hours work!

So what am I going to read next....I have not got a clue.  I am debating whether to read another one of Monty Dons books or another autobiography but not sure who.

It is my weekend off so Frank and I had a lay in today (Saturday), went for breakfast in our favourite cafe, did a bit of shopping and then come home.  Frank started pottering around in the garden, planted his Rose bush and I did a load of cleaning and some washing,  We went back out to the local shops and took Tammie for her walk and then I spent a few hours crocheting on my big blanket and started a new knitting project whilst Frank read his book.  

Sunday will be another lay in, I hope and then some cuddles with my Grandchild, some breakfast and then Scott, my eldest will be visiting.  I have not seen him for ages and cant wait to see him again.

So I am going to wish you all a very happy weekend, spring is on its way which will brighten me up a bit and hope to write again soon.